If you think you are doing what you can but are still feeling frustrated and unloved in your relationship. Sometimes, the conflict is more about the deeper feelings that are not properly being communicated. The book The Five Languages explains that we all show love in different languages. There are 5 love languages, and it is helpful to know what your language is so that you can ask for those things which make you feel valued and loved. It is also helpful to know what your partners language is so that you can communicate you love them in a language they will understand.
The love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation– this is about feeling loved by receiving compliments and having nice things said to you. Of course, these compliments need to be genuine. In turn, insults are detrimental and very hurtful to the relationship.
- Quality time- this is about spending time together, with full attention and little distractions (TV, phone). In turn, the cancelling of dates can be hurtful.
- Receiving gifts– this is not materialistic and is more about simple and thoughtful gifts, like a coffee on your way home or a card. In turn, the forgetting of a birthday would be painful for your partner with this language.
- Acts of service– this is about doing nice things for your partner, that are thoughtful such as, cleaning the house, making your partner’s favorite meal. Ignoring requests for help or not following through with obligations can be hurtful.
- Physical Touch– this is about hand holding, hugging and non-sexual touch that reminds your partner of your presence. In turn, long periods without intimacy can be hurtful.
There is a quiz at fivelovelanguages.com that can take to determine what your love language is. This is a great tool to strengthen your relationship, after all, communication is vital to successful relationships. It is a great resource to help you and your partner understand yourselves as well as each other more sufficiently.
Doctor Chapman explains that love is a choice it is something that you can control, and it is a feeling. You can choose to do the actions to show love so that the feelings of love will follow.